FINALLY!

So, after 5 days of no weight loss, I finally dropped 2 pounds today! It's really amazing how this tiny little thing can make such a different in my outlook for the day. For the last five days, I've begun my day by kicking the scale across the floor of my bathroom, the hateful piece of equipment that clearly has no soul.

Today, it was like, "Yeah! Nothing else matters!" All is good in my world.

I found my zen place today. It's not really a place, but a state of mind. Yesterday, I allowed myself to slip into a state of despair. I am not the type to get depressed. I just don't have time. But every once in a while, I allow the crushing weight of responsibility and, more often than not, debt, get to me.

Today, driving down the Likelike Highway, listening to the new Dave Matthews CD, I felt at peace. Sometimes you just have to pause, and breathe, and realize that nothing really matters except breathing in...and out...and in again.

Tomorrow is another day. Be happy.

Haven't lost an ounce in 3 days...

Poop! And I'm still starving! I have discovered one thing since I started blogging and that's that I'm not very creative at night. Maybe it's just that I generally feel like someone's bludgeoned me by 8pm and just can't muster up much spirit.

This is likely to be one of the busiest of the year for Jackson INK. As my associate Ryan said today, "It's like the perfect storm." Nearly every one of our clients have a big event this weekend, so we're running around promoting like crazy people and I'm just hoping I can remember where I'm supposed to be and don't miss something.

So, if you have nothing else to do this weekend, check out Willie K at the Hawaii Theatre on Friday night or Keola Beamer and Raiatea at Paliku that same night. Or maybe you'd like to meet Iron Chef Morimoto at the Made in Hawaii Festival on Saturday or catch the first performance of the season by Ballet Hawaii at UH that night. Or perhaps if you missed Morimoto on Saturday, swing by Kahala Mall on Sunday to get his cookbook signed...ok so much for shameless promotion via my personal blog.

Interesting week...

I am sitting here in my comfy recliner trying to decide what to write about. This blog is supposed to focus mainly on my diet, but I find myself ruminating about so many other things. It's been one of those weeks where everything was going a million miles a minute.

There were several moments that stand out...

Working for 15 hours straight on Sunday and feeling good about it...twisted.

A new project with lots of potential, but also a lot of stress. Deadlines, financial implications, who's doing what and how the hell is this all going to come together in time?

So stressed - have to go to the chiropractor so I can have the use of my neck over the weekend.

Meeting with the family of Jon Mozo and feeling the spirit move everyone at the table. Chicken skin moment feeling someone so powerful even from the grave.

Standing in the store buying a birthday card and seeing the EXACT quote I mentioned from my Grandma in one of my other blogs. Weird. I'm not sure if I'm more surprised to see it smack me in the face right there because I thought she had written it or more surprised that my Grandma was quoting a French philosopher named Guillaume Apollinaire. I mean, this woman who pronounced Hawaii, "Hi-weye-yah," and Italian, "Eye-talyan." You never know about people and what they know.

Oh, and about the diet, I gained a pound since yesterday. Fantastic!

Friday the 13th

Wow. I feel stunned by this day. I feel like I should do one of those days in the life stories so that people could understand the crushing amount of work a publicist has to do for their clients.

Whiny me...but it's just an unreal amount of coordination to make a single event not only happen, but be successful.

My stress level is ridiculous, so I started my day with a visit to the chiropractor just to be able to turn my neck. I swear to God that I'm going to go get in the ocean at some point this weekend. Maybe after my 12 hour day tomorrow or before my 14 hour day starts on Sunday...

Is it all worth it?

That's the question I keep asking myself. Working 16 hours a day, waking up every night at 4am in a panic about all the things I need to do just to keep all the balls in the air...

Yesterday, I had to meet a client in Waikiki for an interview with the lovely ladies from Midweek and I got there a little early and had to sit there, drinking a coffee on the corner of Kalakaua and Kapahulu, across from one of the most famous beaches in the world, staring at the beautiful crystal blue waters, thinking, "I live five minutes from here and I never take the time to come down." How lame is that? Pretty lame.

What is the point of killing yourself with work if you NEVER take the time to enjoy it? There isn't one. There you go. Gotta make a change.

Total slacker

Well, that's just me being hard on myself, but I've been falling down on the blogging job this week. My stress level is off the charts, which has made being on the diet even harder. I went out for drinks last night with my high school friend, Ted, who's been in town making a documentary. Some of my other pals were in tow and we went to the Yard House in Waikiki, where they have like a million beers on tap and really good bar food.

Perfect! Pizza and calamari and sliders with fries! I almost died. I'm still really hungry and no it's not mental. It's actual physical hunger like the kind where you feel like your stomach is going to turn inside out.

But I made it through and only had a dime size (literally) of pizza crust that had fallen off Kauila's plate.

If I hadn't lost a pound this morning I would have killed somebody.

Amy Hanaialii has lost another five pounds since Sunday - congrats! I hate being fat! I hate being fat! I hate being fat! But you know what's worse - being hungry. Oh well. My good friend Aim told me nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels. I think that's bull.

Oops

So, I missed a day - shoot me. The two pounds that I had lost from Friday to Saturday showed up again this morning magically. Well, not really magically. I ate more than I was supposed to so...

What I've realized over the last few months that I am, in fact, an emotional eater. Food makes me feel better when nothing else does. The first thing I think of when I feel sick is how macaroni and cheese would make me feel better. It actually wouldn't these days, what with the gluten intolerance factor, but at least in my mind it would. But I don't just enjoy the taste of the food, I enjoy the whole process. Cooking feeds my soul in ways that are so simple and uncomplicated. Good food makes people feel good. Sharing this with other people is what I crave...that and a big bowl of pasta.

Good lord I'm tired.

So, forgive this ridiculously short post, but I can barely sit up straight enough to type this one out...

OMG it's only 8pm. Gotta...say...goodnight.

Still hungry...

But that's ok. I have broken through my stall and am down 13 pounds since last Monday.

Today was one of those days where everything seemed a little harder than it needed to be. Caught every red light, got behind every dumb driver, got a million crazy calls/emails from clients, had a splitting headache...but the good news is that I finally stopped for a second to breathe. My friend U'i texted me to meet her at Ala Moana Beach Park to swim. I'm so busy that I almost say no and just keep working but then realize that sometimes you just have to stop and breathe and realize that most of us aren't saving lives as part of our work. It's all going to be ok if I take one hour to step away.

My grandma Lucy was one of a kind. A fiery red head who always had a burning cigarette, half-smoked, dangerously dangling from her ruby red lips told me once, "Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

I'M HUNGRY!!!

Ok, so Gabrielle has confirmed that I am the ONLY person on her protocol who is still hungry. Of course, I have the appetite of a truck driver. Argh! I suppose I should just go to bed to avoid temptation. I've stalled at 11 pounds... but given the fact that it's only been one week, I guess I can handle.

I get to these points where I'm just like, "I just don't care. Why am I so obsessed with my weight?" Then I remember that I feel so much better about myself when I'm thinner...when I feel comfortable in my clothes, when I'm not sporting a double chin.

If I could have that one genie wish, believe me it wouldn't be altruistic. It would be that I could eat anything, anytime, in any amount and be a perfect size 6 without obsessing and exercising like a crazy person. It's so exhausting. Sometimes I just wish that I could have a feeding tube and would never have to worry about it again. Feeling kind of low...but getting some positive feedback from my pal Adrian. Thanks friend!

I hate numbers...

Oh how fun it is crunching numbers on a Saturday night. I suppose it's my penance for not having kept very good financial records all these years. Now I get to go back and enter every transaction, one by one...if you could only hear the sigh.

Anyways, I am down another pound so that makes 11 pounds since Monday. I'm still hungry though. Most people on Gabrielle's Miracle program aren't hungry at all after a couple of days. Unfortunately, I have the appetite of a small army, so I just have to suffer through being hungry. It's worth it knowing that I'll wake up another pound lighter in the morning.

Good night!